janecrocker sent:

I am MEGABORED at work so I'm bothering you HI KRISTINA WRITE ME SILLY DND FANFIC PLZ

(Yes, okay)

Finn licked his lips and carefully, oh so carefully, placed the last card on the top of the tower. Taking a step back to admire his work, he smiled at his sister smugly.

“And you said it couldn’t be done,” he chided.

Fionna rolled her eyes. “No, I said it shouldn’t be done. Mom and dad are going to flip out.”

“Why? Because I made a masterpiece?”

“Because your masterpiece consists entirely of dad’s Extreme Monsters of Atticus mint condition trading cards. He’s going to kill you, have Auntie Shia resurrect you, and then kill you again. You know he’s weird about that stuff.” Fionna crossed her arms, huffing her mess of blonde hair out of her eyes. She watched her twin brother sternly as he considered his options.

“Well…I already took them all out of their seals, so…” Finn raised a hand to his chin ponderously. It wasn’t so bad. Fionna had a point, but surely his father would appreciate the effort he put into this work of art. Crafting the thieves guild from a few thousand collectors cards. It wasn’t Finn’s fault his parents didn’t give him a better creative outlet.

“What do you think, Jake?” Finn turned to his slobbering, pug-faced hound lounging by the fireplace.

“Will you please stop talking to your dog,” Fionna sighed, massaging her temples.

Finn shot her a nasty glower. “I will stop talking to Jake when he stops talking back. So never. Meh.” He stuck out his tongue.

Both kids stared at the fat, lazy dog as he wearily opened an eye. With a tiny poof he passed gas, but remained silent otherwise.

“That’s a good point, buddy,” Finn said, turning back to the flimsy card structure. “If I blame this on Fionna I’ll get of scot-free. And dad does like me more.”

“Okay, first of all, your dog farted. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t tell you to pin this on me, you little psycho. And second,” Fionna jabbed an authoritative finger in Finn’s chest, “if you put this on me, you will die.”

“Stop threatening me with death.” Finn scowled, knocking her hand away. “And you always talk to your cat anyways, so who are you to judge?”

“Cake is different!” Fionna seethed. “She’s smart!”

Finn opened his mouth to counter, but was cut off by the front door flying open, smashing into the wall and nearly shattering.

“Hi, Mom,” the kids chimed in unison as Rorie entered, kicking the door shut behind her. She had Eridan flung over her shoulder, his limp body dripping blood and muck all over the floor.

“I just came by to check up on you two. Your father died again so I have to take him to…to—” Rorie stared at the card building in confusion and raised an eyebrow at Fionna.

“Hey, don’t look at me,” she said, pointing accusingly to her brother.

“Uh huh.” Rorie adjusted Eridan on her shoulder and sighed. “Just make sure they’re cleaned up by the time he comes to or there’ll be hell to pay.”

“W-what do you think he’ll do?” Finn swallowed. There were fates worse than death.

“Sit you down and tell you a story from the good old days?” Rorie guessed. “You know, his favourite form of torture. I gotta go, but you kids be good. Don’t do anything we’d do.”

“We promise,” Fionna said, closing the door after her mother. “Well, Finn, what’s Jake suggestion this time?”

Fionna turned smugly to her brother, but he was gone. She caught sight of an open window, curtains fluttering in the wind. Balling her fists, she stormed over to the window and shouted after her brother, “You idiot! That’s exactly what mom and dad would do!”